Passing Exams

 “Rincewind picked up a spare paper and read it.

It was headed: Examination for the post of Assistant Night-Soil Operative for the District of W'ung.

He read question one. It required candidates to write a sixteen-line poem on evening mist over the reed beds.
Question two seemed to be about the use of metaphor in some book Rincewind had never heard of.
Then there was a question about music . . .

Rincewind turned the paper over a couple of times. There didn't seem to be any mention, anywhere, of words like 'compost' or 'bucket' or 'wheelbarrow'. But presumably all this produced a better class of person than the Ankh-Morpork system, which asked just one question: 'Got your own shovel, have you?”

― Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

I woke up yesterday morning feeling unprepared to take the nursing boards.  I studied a lot, but I didn't study as much as I could have.  I made so many flashcards and I didn't really go over any of them.  What I did was take about thirty-five quizzes that contained seventy-five questions each.  So, although I felt I had studied very hard, I felt like I could have done more.  I worried about failure.  I thought that if I took my exam and failed, I would feel it was my own fault for not studying harder.  I worried that people would be horrified because everyone I know thinks I will pass the exam.

Despite my fears, I am reasonably calm on the outside.  I'm wearing comfortable, warm clothes.  I showered and put on face cream and chapstick.  Basically, I made every effort to prepare myself to be comfortable so that I wouldn't be distracted by physiological factors.  

I arrived at the testing center about 45 minutes early, because I wanted to make sure I had enough time to drive back home if there was something forgotten.  All my papers were in order and the person in charge let me know that I could take my examination early if I so desired.  I opted to take it early.

When I started taking the test, I was pleased to find the information provided was straightforward and fairly easy to understand.  As I answered questions, I did my best to take my time and think through each one as carefully as possible.  I did not feel that I knew the answers to any of them, but I eliminated obviously wrong answers and did my best to guess on the rest.  

My exam shut off on the seventy-fifth question.  I didn't know what to feel.  Should I be celebrating or crying?  There was no way to know, so I just hunkered down and tried to block it all out.  My supervisor approved a week off, so I booked a ticket and got on a plane this morning.

I had a long layover, and during this time, I got my exam results.  

I passed.

I cannot even begin to describe the instant relief that I felt upon receiving this news.  A huge load of anxiety lifted and I succumbed to tears in the middle of the terminal.  Everything is going to be alright.  

My boss won't be disappointed and I won't have to take a different exam to get a temporary license to continue employment.  My friends and family can continue believing I am an intellectual prodigy.  😈I can double my income and finally carry my own weight.  Best of all, I can do this without having to worry about debt repayment.  I've finally made it.  It took so long to get there.  Many days I never thought I would make it, that I wasn't smart enough or dedicated enough, or that I would burn out before the finish line.  

I am excited to be able to continue my education at my own pace instead of having to jump to when someone else says so.  I'm thrilled that I can focus on other things instead of always studying and reading textbooks.  Now I can spend my free time doing things I actually want to do.  I can write, paint, draw, and take photos to my heart's content.  

Maybe life has finally started.