I'm sitting here thinking about my private life. How much do I feel comfortable enough to write about? This is an anonymous setting, so why am I even worried about it? I don't know. I suppose the information is benign in the hands of strangers, but some of us don't like our private business known to friends or family. It must have something to do with being vulnerable. A person's intimate life can sometimes be a good source for gossip and judgment. Maybe that is why we hide certain kinds of details.
What kinds of things do we hide? I suppose it depends on the person. What makes you feel vulnerable? It also depends on how we measure and value our intimate relationships. Do we protect those closest to us from the judgment of others?
Each of us handles these types of situations differently. For example, Cathy may share the intimate details of her sexual escapades with her female posse because she isn't particularly close to her sexual partners or doesn't feel the need to protect herself or them from judgment. She may have other reasons, or maybe she doesn't give it much thought at all and is showing off.
Then there's Emily who keeps these details a secret, and of course we can't know why for sure. Maybe she feels shame, because she perceives him as bad for her, or bad in bed. Maybe she is jealous because she's discovered gold and doesn't want to share. Or, maybe she's protecting the guy because she cares about him but he's not particularly good in bed.
I'm thinking about sharing details about my life. If I'm going to share, I need to have a good reason for it. That means I won't just be sharing details about an argument without also sharing how the situation was resolved. I'm not just going to talk badly about my partner, I will try to maintain objectivity.
People feel a lot of emotions, and these feelings come out of our mouths all willy-nilly. If we are afraid we lie, if we are angry we lie, if we are disgusted we lie. We lie about basically everything because we have trouble with truth. We lie to each other and we lie to ourselves; lies of every size.
My goal is, when I go introspective, to separate the emotions that I feel from everything else and analyze what is happening. A fact: my favorite dish broke. A fact: my husband dropped it. Emotion: he's alarmed and embarrassed. Lie: I'm not upset.
At first we feel the knee-jerk reaction, the first emotion that happens without choice. Next we decide what emotion we want to feel and pursue it. I am upset but I decide that my husband and his feelings are more important, and of higher value to me, than the bowl.
I might not feel the same way if he broke my trust.
What kinds of things do we hide? I suppose it depends on the person. What makes you feel vulnerable? It also depends on how we measure and value our intimate relationships. Do we protect those closest to us from the judgment of others?
Each of us handles these types of situations differently. For example, Cathy may share the intimate details of her sexual escapades with her female posse because she isn't particularly close to her sexual partners or doesn't feel the need to protect herself or them from judgment. She may have other reasons, or maybe she doesn't give it much thought at all and is showing off.
Then there's Emily who keeps these details a secret, and of course we can't know why for sure. Maybe she feels shame, because she perceives him as bad for her, or bad in bed. Maybe she is jealous because she's discovered gold and doesn't want to share. Or, maybe she's protecting the guy because she cares about him but he's not particularly good in bed.
I'm thinking about sharing details about my life. If I'm going to share, I need to have a good reason for it. That means I won't just be sharing details about an argument without also sharing how the situation was resolved. I'm not just going to talk badly about my partner, I will try to maintain objectivity.
People feel a lot of emotions, and these feelings come out of our mouths all willy-nilly. If we are afraid we lie, if we are angry we lie, if we are disgusted we lie. We lie about basically everything because we have trouble with truth. We lie to each other and we lie to ourselves; lies of every size.
My goal is, when I go introspective, to separate the emotions that I feel from everything else and analyze what is happening. A fact: my favorite dish broke. A fact: my husband dropped it. Emotion: he's alarmed and embarrassed. Lie: I'm not upset.
At first we feel the knee-jerk reaction, the first emotion that happens without choice. Next we decide what emotion we want to feel and pursue it. I am upset but I decide that my husband and his feelings are more important, and of higher value to me, than the bowl.
I might not feel the same way if he broke my trust.
Thoughts on Sharing Pieces of Ourselves
Reviewed by Samantha Jayne Frost
on
February 19, 2019
Rating: