Self-Scheduling: A Tool to Manage the Busy Brain

For years I've been stuck in a mental struggle. I’ve always wanted to do what I enjoy but also wanted to become successful.

What makes someone a success? I’ve had an image in my head of what that word means. Mostly, it’s a picture painted for me by society, or at least it's a picture painted by me of how I perceive society’s perception of me. (Don’t get lost now.) I’m not saying everyone’s perception will mirror mine or that my perception is in any way accurate. It is, after all, pristinely unique. It is my own subjective point of view.

This is how I’ve subconsciously perceived success: One must become very skilled at one thing while also having the means to make a lot of money.

I’ve yet to make a lot of money. I’ve also yet to be very good at “just one thing.”

I’ve labored under a delusion that there was only one way to become successful. To reach this goal of being “good at one thing,” I thought I had to throw out almost everything in order to focus 100% of my energy in a single direction.

If one plans to throw out everything, tough choices must be made. Which favored flower to spare, while mowing down the rest? Of all the skills possessed; out of all the hobbies enjoyed, which ones to keep?

I thought. And I thought. And I thought. Frustration ensued. I loved doing so many things. In only a few areas am I an expert, but in many things, I am moderately good, at least to the point it feels wasteful and painful to throw it all away. This became a serious problem for me because I could not bring myself to cut so much out. Anger. Why should I have to? Finally, resignation and defeat. I pretended to cut a number of activities from my list. In reality, the items I cut were only briefly interesting to me and had already been cut through a lack of participation. So did it really count?

When I had finished looking at my life, I suffered a bit of a breakdown. Depression. I still had so many hobbies and I had no idea where to focus my energy.

This scenario has replayed itself often over the course of the past twenty years. I get overwhelmed, become frustrated, get angry at myself, give up, and do nothing.

I finally came to a point in life where I basically accepted myself as a whole, including all the chaos that filled my brain. I lacked management, but that was okay. I focused my energy on work and school and let people and married life fill the in-between times. In a way, I managed myself by blocking out the creative part of my life that so completely overwhelmed me.

When I take the time to ask myself, “what do I truly enjoy?” the answer is always the arts. I love taking hundreds of pictures in search of that perfect shot. I love cooking a dish ten or twenty different ways until I get the recipe perfected. I enjoy creating pictures with words and making up my own words for everything from everyday experiences to the emotions that I feel.

A while back my husband needed a special cable for something and we wound up at Fry’s in Seattle. I looked at movies for a while, but I got bored of all those cables and wires quickly. Then I discovered a piano in the middle of the building that just sat there all day waiting for someone to come play it. I laid my hands on the keys and felt chills. I blocked everything and everyone out for a good half hour and just let loose. I let go of the stress and anxiety and spent that creative energy inside me that was cooped up for too long. I played my heart out. Some old guy came up to me afterward and asked me, “What was the name of that piece you just played?” I couldn’t tell him. There’s never a name when I play.

This experience reminded me of feelings swept aside. In suppressing my creative nature, I’ve depressed myself. I’ve shut that door inside myself that allows me to breathe the fresh air. I need to create. Every person has a unique way of unwinding; relaxing; venting frustration. This is my way. When I have anxiety or pent-up nervous energy, I put it into a poem. I write it down. When I’m excited or happy I sing about it. I dance. I listen to music that I love. Emotion is like our blood. It needs to freely pump in and out of our souls or we will slowly shrivel inside.

I don’t want to just survive myself. I’ve had to change strategies in order to thrive. This requires honesty. I’ve had to look in the mirror and admit that I am exactly who I am right now and that I don’t need to change that, and even if I were to try, I’m unlikely to change because deep down I don’t want to. My brain might be a bit cluttered, but it's also gifted with the ability to multi-task and function under pressure. No one has the right to expect me to be someone else. This life is my responsibility. I can either struggle through it, constantly failing to become the mirror image of a person I think others will respect, or I can go through life doing exactly those things that make me proud of me.

There is no reason anyone should trade individuality for a cookie cutter identity.

I’ve discovered that the difficulties I face exist in the area of time management, not skill management. In order to enjoy all the wonderful interests and skills that I’ve collected, I need to make time for each one, instead of throwing them out.

Time management.

Growing up I always hated schedules. I’ve avoided schedules all my life because when I think of scheduling my time, I think of getting up at four o’clock in the morning and forcing myself to put on a snowsuit. I think of facing into the bitter wind and plodding out my obligatory exercise regimen. To me, following a schedule has always felt like a form of punishment.

I didn’t actively think about this, of course. I felt how I felt and I reacted. I avoided alarms, overslept, stayed up late, ate whenever and turned in homework at the last minute. This has been a forever kind of situation for me. Only recently did I discover that schedules don’t have to be painful. Schedules are tools to use, not rules to live by.

I first rediscovered schedules as a “fun thing” when a friend introduced me to the “Happy Planners.” I was skeptical but she showed me her sticker collection and all the Washi tape she uses to decorate the pages. Then we got on Pinterest and she showed me pictures of how other people have decorated their planners. I got a little bit excited. Here was a way I could have a schedule without turning into Atlas with the world above me.

I went to the store and bought my first planner. I started using it as a journal. I tracked little things that mattered to me. My exercise goals. Habits I wanted to work on. Printed pictures of my family. I wrote little notes about each day and I used a sticker when I didn’t have anything to say. It was nice to finally have a fun way to hold myself accountable throughout the day.

As time went on though, I started forgetting to write in my planner. I wondered why I didn’t feel motivated anymore. I realized that I’d become frustrated with paper scheduling because of the repetition. If I wanted to track my water drinking habits, I had to write it in every day. If I wanted to vacuum the carpets every other week, I had to go through my planner and write it in by hand. If I forgot to write something in, I became frustrated later on when I realized I’d missed something important in my routine.

This went on for a bit. I would write in my planner consistently for a week or two and then forget about it for a month. Of course, after neglecting it for so long, I didn’t want to start back up again, because I didn’t like those big gaps in between where I didn’t put anything down. Starting up again somehow made those gaps more obvious. To me.

I’m probably a little bit OCD. I like things neat and pretty in books. This brought its own share of problems. I’d write something in and then I’d want to move it or erase it. It’s difficult to erase ink on paper. I could have used a pencil I suppose, but I hates pencils. Nasty, smudgy pencils. I hates them about as much as Gollum hated nasty hobbitses.

One day though, I discovered a tool that would change the game for me.

::drumroll::

Google Calendar.

I honestly don’t even remember why I became interested. Something just clicked, I guess. I did a full-scale investigation and I learned that I could use this program to my advantage.

I discovered I could input an activity and tell the calendar to propagate that activity out to infinity any way I wanted. If I needed the calendar to remind me to wear a mud mask every Thursday until the end of time, it would do that. If I needed to post to certain media platforms at specific times on specific days, I could schedule it and never worry about it again. I could keep track of all my appointments months in advance. Best of all, I could drag the activities around on my “day” and put them right where I wanted. If I couldn’t get that walk in at ten, I could move it to one.

Finally, I had the ultimate tool at my fingertips. The more time I invested in it, the more I came to love it. Google Calendar has been the answer for me. I love how flexible it is.

Most importantly, I love Google Calendar because I can use it to manage myself. Do I want to paint once a week? Where can I fit in that hour of creative writing? Maybe I want to watch a Ted Talk every Friday? When was the last time I read a book? Google calendar gives me the ability to set goals for myself while still keeping up with the plans I already have in place. I can finally manage myself so that I’m not so lost in my own life.

If there’s anyone else out there who has similar struggles, I want to reach out to you and encourage you to try time management instead of hobby-management. Having a flexible electronic schedule has taken the burden out of being a multi-tasking, eclectic individual. There is no reason you shouldn’t be able to enjoy every one of your precious talents.

Samantha Jayne Frost

Artist Credit: In search of original artist. Artist Unknown.