Seven Fallacies

The Fallacy of Perfection

People who accept the fallacy of perfection believe that a worthwhile communicator should be able to handle every situation with complete confidence and skill.

It's okay to admit imperfection. Pretending will never help. Others may discover your weakness and you'll look like a phony. Also it will take a lot of emotional work to pretend. It's not worth it.

The Fallacy of Approval

Definition: Believing that it is vital to have the approval of everyone.

It is impossible to make everyone happy. Conflict of expectations are bound to occur.

The Fallacy of Shoulds

"Money should grow on trees."
""You should work harder."
"I should never feel hurt; I should always be happy and serene."

Statements like these are irrational. They are complaints about how things are and they do not change things.

These statements DO cause negative reactions in other people who feel nagged at. These statements reflect negatively on the person saying them, leaving them unhappy and discontent. Merely complaining about things doesn't fix anything.

The Fallacy of Over-generalization

When someone fails a test and says, "I'm stupid," this is an over-generalization. It is a statement that excludes the rest of the facts. The person may actually be a straight A student 80% of the time.

It's an over-generalization to say, "You're always late." "You never listen to me." These over-generalizations are extra bad because they are false accusations. Fights start because of statements like these.

It's better to say things in a less offensive manner, or not at all.

The Fallacy of Causation

Some people do things to save other people's feelings instead of realizing that other people choose how they will respond. It's good to be nice but not at all costs.

If you are talking to a close friend and will be late for an appointment you should say something. Don't be so afraid of offending the person. A lot of times we imagine how others will feel and exaggerate these feelings in our minds so that we never give them the choice. It is ultimately rude to choose how they will feel for them without giving them the ability to choose for themselves.

The Fallacy of Helplessness

Statements that include "I can't" often mean, "I won't" or "I don't know how".

These statements should be evaluated because they usually mean there is a fear to be faced or something that we need to learn.

The Fallacy of Catastrophic Expectations

When deciding about things it's bad to make decisions based on our fears.

"If I invite them to the party, they probably won't want to come."

"If I tell them how I really feel, they'll probably laugh at me."

These thought patterns have negative results. Either they confirm the person in their fears and the person doesn't act, or they lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. At best they make life more stressful than necessary.