Why am I Lonely Part I: The Self-Loathing By-Way

Self-Loathing By-Way

Throughout life there is one person from whom one is never separated for even a moment.  There is one person one must live with from the first breath until the last.  This person cannot be traded for another.  We are stuck with this person, whether we like it or not.  

The Self.

This makes for a difficult journey for some of us who are stuck with an Anti-Self variety.  This companion-self is abusive to the core.

Anti-Selves often:

• remind of past failures and scold in an effort to prevent future mishaps
• recall times when bad choices were made and doubt your ability to improve
• expect perfection and get mad when you don't live up to expectations
• scold in order to motivate you to try harder
• constantly apologize for things that aren't even your fault, because you must have done something wrong
• Discourage you from making goals because you're only going to feel worse when you don't follow through
• claim there is nothing to do, when you're bored, and refuse to help think of something
• laugh and mock loudly when you make a mistake, and make rude generalizations
• Stand in the corner and glare at you after a rough day, and call you names because you don't deserve anything

There is another variety of self, known as the Pro-Self.  Imagine the difference made in the journey by a pro-self who travels with you. 

Pro-selves are known to:

• Point out your past accomplishments as evidence of strength
• Remind of times in the past when excellent choices panned out
• Shrug off mistakes because no one is perfect
• Motivate by offering encouragement
• Defend you instead of apologizing when it isn't your fault
• Set high goals because they believe in you
• Bring hot chocolate after a rough day and suggest an enjoyable pastime
• Take time to soothe you when you're feeling frazzled 

 Which version of yourself would make you feel less lonely?  

Lucky for all of us, it is possible to convert a anti-self to a pro-self.  It just takes time and patience.  We aren't perfect and we all make mistakes.  To ditch loneliness, start by learning to love yourself better.  Stop being abusive to the one person you have to live with forever.