What's a Snorf? The Odd Question and How to Answer It

Unfortunately, there was a sad bit of business. Red went through each recipe she had shopped for and found each ingredient in the spice tin. She sighed. “I can’t believe I added the licked items to the non licked items that came with the tin. I contaminated it all and now it’s all ruined.” 

She dumped a pile of tiny green spears in the middle of the table and stared at them despondently. She added a pile of oatmeal. Potato Flakes. Ground Beef. Red Pepper Flakes. 

The pile grew until a librarian stopped at their table and frowned. “What are you doing?” she asked. 

“They are contaminated.” Red explained. "They've got to be tossed." 

“Don’t leave that pile on the table. Make sure you get a snorf to clean it up before you go anywhere.” Red opened her mouth to reply but the woman had already bustled away. 

“What’s a snorf?” Eddie asked.

Is there a RIGHT way to answer weird questions?

Yes and no.  Many roads lead home, however it's important to carefully analyze your options.  Some answers are better than others.  Choose carefully.


How do I know which answer is the best one?

When I was a kid my father had vague notions of how he liked his teenager daughter dressed.  So I would bring clothes to him for approval before making purchases.  Then one fall I went on a trip with friends and my luggage got lost.  I ended up having to buy all new clothes.  I picked out some that I thought my father would like and I picked some that I liked.

When I got home I was surprised to discover that my father liked the ones that I'd picked out for myself and he didn't like the ones I'd picked with him in mind. 

The moral of the story?  Follow your gut.

Here are a few loose guidelines.

• Don't always go to the same source, be creative
• If you are stuck between two choices, go with one that is interesting to you
• Avoid boring your audience, that is the black death for writers

Where do I look for answers in my fictional environment?

When you are answering questions for your fictional character, you must consider the environment in which you've placed them.  Are they alone on a island with a soccer ball?  Are they in a magical school like Hogwarts?  Your setting will dictate how many options you have.  Think of yourself as a reporter.  Answers come from sources.  What sources will your character have?

Here are a few examples to get you started:

Option 1

The question is answered by the type of speaking creature that is most likely to know the answer.

Example: Librarian

Option 2

The question is answered by the type of speaking creature that is most prevalent in the immediate area.

Example:  Library Patrons

Option 3

The question is answered by a nearby creature that is not known to speak.

Example: Mickons, a creature known to be mute

Option 4

The question is answered by doing in depth research of literary works.

Example: Livon Depther's Guide to Flying Magical Animals

Option 5

The question is answered by a nearby creature that is not expected to possess the answer.

Example:  Tim, fireman, who is quiet and rugged in appearance.

Option 6

The question remains unanswered and the protagonists manage to solve the problem in some other manner.

Example: Carefully scoop the pile of ingredients into a small pot and wash it down the sink in the bathrooms.  Only takes three trips.

Option 7

The question remains unanswered but the problem solves itself.

Example: A hungry snorf flutters down and lands on a nearby table, eying the pile with drool dripping from its snout.

Option 8

The question remains unanswered and the problem mushrooms, which leads to such dramatic consequences that it draws the attention of the Snorf.

Example:  Someone casts a spell nearby that causes a gust of wind that blows the pile of ingredients up into the air and across the library causing much coughing and sneezing.  A swarm of hungry snorfs come soaring down from the rafters with mouths agape and filter the air, suck up the residue from the carpets and lather the table in snorf saliva.

Which of the eight options is the best?

Choosing which option to pick can be tough.  On one hand you might choose the librarian or library patrons because that type of interaction seems most likely.  However, if you have gained insight from these sources frequently in the self-same chapter of your book, or many times in previous chapters, it might be nice to shake things up a bit.  

Options three and five are useful in situations where you need to introduce an unusual magical specie.  If the specie is behaving out of character, make sure you have a ready explanation for this deviation.  It will surprise the character and make them feel and seem more special.

Options five and six are great ways to highlight your protagonists abilities.  Is your character a problem solver?  Are they extra clever?  This is a good way to show the reader how cunning your character is.

The last two options may seem like inaction, but it is important to have these moments because you don't want your character to seem like a know it all, or some sort of demigod if they are not.  There are times when we don't have the answer to a problem and a solution presents itself.   In other cases, our inaction leads to consequences.  In the final option the characters inaction leads to a domino effect.  The problem mushrooms and the resulting disaster brings about the resolution of the crisis.

This last situation should not happen often in your story.  It's a lucky series of coincidences, which doesn't happen often in real situations.  If it happens a lot to one character, we will deduce from it that this character has a special ability whether they know it or not.

In conclusion, the right answer is different for every writing situation.  Analyze what you are writing and then pick the option that works best for your predicament.  The golden rule of writing is to not be boring!  As long as you avoid putting your reader to sleep, you'll be fine.

I know what you're thinking.

What did you pick?

First let me share my thought process as I went through each option and deliberated.

Option 1: Discarded.  Overuse.

Option 2: Discarded.  I've used it before and I don't want to give the impression that other library patrons are over-helpful or shameless eavesdroppers.

Option 3: Discarded.  It seems ironic to me that there would work a magical creature who cannot speak in a library that is blanketed by a spell that mutes its patrons.  The doubly muted creature fascinates me.  Seems unlikely, but amusing to consider.  I am easily tempted by incongruity.  Away Satan!

Option 4: Considered.  My characters could just pick up a book and find out what a Snorf is.  Sadly this is probably the most likely real-world scenario, so I was forced to consider it.

Option 5: Discarded.  A mouse or some other random creature answers the question when least expected.  Has the potential of startling the characters.  I am not sure that I want to start down the long slippery road to Narnia.

Option 6: Chosen.  is well-loved by me because when your characters live in a world of magic, it is a refreshing contrast to force them to do manual labor.  This helps to ground them so they don't seem all powerful or frivolous.

Option 7: Chosen.  Calls to me because it is the equivalent of a seagull landing near you and stealing your fries.  It just seems like something that a magical creature who is a scavenger would do.  I love this concept because it is so difficult and important to ground your magical characters with a sense of realism despite their unique situation and abilities.

Option 8: Considered.  Introducing disaster appeals to the dramatic side of my personality.
I could leave the pile of ingredients on the table, have it blow everywhere and then tempt those elusive Snorfs out to clean up the mess. There are a couple problems though.  First,  my characters already made a mess in the last chapter.  How many times can I make my characters bumble around before the librarians label them menaces and readers think they are morons.  They aren't egregiously more clumsy than anyone else.  So to avoid that wrong impression I would need to present the readers with examples of other patrons causing mayhem.  That could snowball out of control and I don't want to make everyone think this is a library that mutes its patrons so as to avoid hearing their dying screams.

In the end I decided on a combination of Options 6, 7 and a Pinch of 8.  They will fill a pot with ingredients, some will filter into the air causing the eyes to sting, and they will all pack off to the bathrooms to dispose of the refuse and rinse their eyes.  Then they will return to find librarians have joyously brought out their Snorfs to clean up the remains.


Now you tell me, What's a Snorf?